May 2012
May 31st
623 notes
May 31st
12 notes
1 tag
May 31st
16,768 notes
May 31st
487 notes
May 31st
11,990 notes
May 31st
709 notes
1 tag
Whenever someone on Facebook says they “chopped all their hair off”, their hair is still longer than mine.
May 30th
1 note
3 tags
I strolled into the kitchen, dropped a raw egg...
How could she eat that and not get sick?????
May 30th
1 note
May 30th
2,338 notes
2 tags
Middle Child Syndrome is real.
May 29th
1 note
1 tag
I have this dumb curl right in the middle of my...
There was a little girl,             Who had a little curl, Right in the middle of her forehead.             When she was good,             She was very good indeed, But when she was bad she was horrid.
May 29th
2 tags
May 29th
1,003 notes
Ok, History Channel.
Some guy just moseyed in Pawn Stars with a gun that was used in a Hatfield & McCoy fight RIGHT around the time you decide to air a show about the Hatfield & McCoy feud. 
May 29th
1 note
1 tag
My job interview is tomorrow :/
I’m more nervous I won’t wake up in time (it’s at 9:30 am!!)
May 29th
1 note
May 29th
1,443 notes
kellynkeller: instead of getting a job, can i just sell my eggs and sue people for the rest of my life?
May 29th
4 notes
May 28th
310 notes
May 28th
797 notes
1 tag
May 28th
58 notes
May 28th
493 notes
May 28th
May 28th
52 notes
3 tags
I felt the first man I slept with must be intelligent, so I would respect him.  Irwin was a full professor at twenty-six and had the pale, hairless skin of a boy genius.  I also needed somebody quite experienced to make up for my lack of it, and Irwin’s ladies reassured me on this head.  Then, to be on the safe side, I wanted somebody I didn’t know and wouldn’t go on knowing- a...
May 27th
2 notes
I like when my Mom hangs out with her best...
Talking with her hands Making pasta Yessss
May 27th
May 27th
2 tags
My aunt threw a hissy fit and canceled the family...
Yesssss I can continue avoiding my cousins  AND get to watch Beyonce Takeover !
May 27th
1 note
2 tags
May 27th
3,818 notes
1 tag
May 26th
54 notes
May 26th
833 notes
2 tags
May 26th
2 notes
1 tag
Britney Spears Takeover on Fuse
May 26th
2 tags
May 26th
13 notes
5 tags
I think its funny my dad is an HVAC technician yet...
May 26th
1 note
1 tag
May 26th
298 notes
3 tags
I started adding up all the things I couldn’t do. I began with cooking. My grandmother and my mother were such good cooks that I left everything to them.  They were always trying to teach me one dish or another, but I would just look on and say, “Yes, yes, I see,” while the instructions slid through my head like water, and then I’d always spoil what I did so nobody would...
May 25th
2 tags
May 25th
17,424 notes
1 tag
May 25th
8,593 notes
1 tag
May 24th
1 tag
I can’t leave my house because my neighbor is mowing my lawn.
May 24th
May 24th
36,542 notes
2 tags
May 24th
2 notes
2 tags
May 23rd
6,961 notes
May 23rd
867 notes
2 tags
May 22nd
16 notes
2 tags
Listen Stay | Lisa Loeb And I thought I’d live...
May 21st
11 notes
2 tags
May 20th
14,395 notes
May 20th
2,447 notes
1 tag
May 19th
377 notes
8 tags
How my Mom likes to ruin my life:
Mom: Mindy would LOVE to drive your daughter to school everyday! —- Person: I have a job application for a Historical Society, it pays twelve dollars an hour, all Mindy has to do is take people on tours and do arts and crafts with kids. Mom: No, I don’t think she’d like that.
May 18th
1 tag
May 18th
1,105 notes